What happened....

I took M's advice and just started writing the story, no spellcheck, no re-reading. Just write.

I must advise there are TMI moments...

On the evening of October 6, I was in bed writing my DH a birthday card. (His bday is Oct 7)
I was waiting till midnight to give him his birthday present when I started having cramps.
After laying down and drinking lots of water I decided I had to call the Dr.
The Dr on call (very rude by the way) told me to just drink water and tylenol because It was normal to have this pain and if it was something bad there was nothing to do at this stage anyways. I couldn't believe she just said that to me. I was so angry!!!

I felt an urge to pee and while in the bathroom I checked down there with a mirror because something didn't feel right. That's when I saw some kind of a sac. I knew then something was not right.
We decided to go to the ER. Once there they said it was probably just a bladder infection, and told me to relax because that stress could affect the babies.
While at the ER I felt the urge to pee again. That's when I saw I was starting to bleed a little. I went crying hysterically to the Dr attending me at the ER. I told him I was starting to bleed and he said again to not stress out, that they were taking me for an U/S.
While I waited for the U/S I went to the restroom again and that's when my water broke. I just wanted to die.
They rushed me to get the U/S, alone, my husband was not allowed in the room, ER policies. The technician was not saying a word, I asked her if everything was ok and she said she was not allowed to say anything, that the Dr will give me the results. Once the U/S was done I felt my bladder was about to explode and asked if I could use the restroom. That's when I felt some liquid coming down my legs. I thought it was just more water, but it wasn't, it was blood.
They took me back to the ER and the Dr came in with the bad news. He said our little girl had no heartbeat and that she would either stay inside and be delivered when our baby boy was born or she would come out on her own. And they let me go home.

I couldn't believe what was happening to me, I thought it was just all a bad dream.

We got home at 6am and just laid in bed till it was time to go see my OB. When I stood up to pee at 8:00am while in the toilet my baby girl came out of me. I couldn't believe it was happening, I cried hysterically, I didn't have the courage to see. My DH came in and took our little girl out of the toilet and covered her to bring her to the OB.
He told me he just got what was in the toilet without seeing, he said he couldn't tell what it was, he said it looked like a big cloth, he lied, he just didn't want me to see.

When we got to the OB he confirmed our little girl was out, sent me for an U/S where they told me the placenta was still inside. That it would just come out on it's own or my body would just absorb it. He told me to stay in bed until my next check up in a week. They tested our littler girl for everything possible that could explain what happened but there was no answer. Everything was normal. We don't know what went wrong.

A week later I had an appointment with the OB, everything was normal, our little boy was growing perfectly my cervix was closed and long.
That afternoon I got a fever, the OB told me to take a tylenol and to call him if it got higher than 100.4, it did.

Saturday October 15, he decided to keep me hospitalized so they could monitor closely, doing B/W and stuff.
The fever continued, they didn't know what was wrong. He suspected I might have an infection in the amniotic fluid.

Wednesday October 19, he decided I should get an Amnio just to rule out the infection. Hours later our fears were confirmed. I was told I had to deliver my 17 week old baby boy before we both died. I couldn't believe this was happening. I just wanted to die with my baby inside. I didn't want to let go of my baby.

Hours later I was induced, contractions started really fast, the pain was strong. The OB suggested I get an epidural just in case they had to take me in for surgery.

Our baby boy was born at 8:33 PM, no heartbeat.

He was so beautiful, he was tiny but a completly formed baby. I held him for a while, touched him, kissed him and then said good bye. It was a moment I can't describe. I was not crying. I was so calm, it felt as if my baby was just sleeping in my arms.

As soon as we left L&D and took me to a normal room my world collapsed.

I still can't believe this happened, I still can't believe they're gone, and I still don't know why this all happened.

I miss my babies so much.

Today I would've been 19 weeks pregnant, but I'm not.