Today I miss my babies.....actually I miss them everyday.
Sometimes people don't understand why one moment I'm feeling good then the other I'm sad. I guess you really don't know how it feels unless you have been thru this before.
Right now I feel I need a friend, somebody who understands, somebody I can talk to about this, who wont avoid the conversation just so I don't get sad, somebody that doesn't tell me I need to move on or just thinks I'm crazy to still be sad after a month has passed, Somebody who doesn't tell me I should just give up and consider adoption (I have nothing against adoption)
I'm so not looking forward for the holidays. I just wish to go to sleep tonight and wake up in January. Christmas always makes me sad, even before all this happened, I don't have a reason why, it just does. But I can imagine this year will be worse.
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The 4 week milestone is a tough one...and unfortunately, it is also when most people think you should be "fine"....whatever the fuck that means. I hated people avoiding the conversation or even a simple question of "how are you" because THEY didn't want to deal with their own feelings that would come up with me being sad or whatever my reaction might have been. Wishing you some peace and may the people you surround yourself with start showing you more compassion, love and pure sensitivity! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteHey there, just wanted to share that I've been reading another blog: http://missconception-ads.blogspot.com/. She was pregnant with twins and sadly lost them to preterm labor as well around 20 weeks. She's blogging about her journey to get through this. I thought even if you don't talk to her, reading about someone else's journey may be helpful. Saying prayers for you!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could speed up time for you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your twins. I can't imagine what pain you're in. One month is so little time--grieve at your own pace.
ReplyDeleteLola, you live in Miami right? If you ever need someone to talk to I am here! I know after my miscarriage I felt the same way. I felt like I have no one who got it to talk to and the best thing was finding an online group on BBC of girls who lost their angels as well, we all could vent, cry, bitch, complain, whatever with one another because we all got it. We got it when we felt like we wanted the world to stop talking about pregnancy and babies, we got it when someone had a baby shower invite and the person needed excuses to get out of it, we got it when someone just wanted to hold a baby and cry. No one can truly understand a loss like this unless they go through it because it is such a lonely loss. Not even our husbands get it like we do. I am so very sorry for all you have gone through. I am here if you need.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard when others offer advise when they don't understand... but also don't know how hard it truly is to lose child/ren. My heart goes out to you and know that we're all here for you. Big hug from afar xoxo
ReplyDeleteI just started following your blog so i'm sorry I'm commenting on an old post but this one just got me. I know how it feels to have no one who knows how it feels. We've had 4 m/c's and the last was twins. It sucks and the sadness can hit you on the happiest days for no reason. If you need to vent to someone, I truly do understand.
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